You deserved the win after delivering a more solid piece. . But that's another story.
This was a solid topical work in every aspect of its mechanics -- I think I remember reading it at RnR before, too. You maintained the same flow throughout the whole verse, however, I would critique a few things.
1. Try to add more inner-rhymes which will add to the effectiveness of the already spotless flow.
2. I couldn't help but notice that your last two lines seemed out of place. . Not the content, for it was a really good finisher, but you made this a thirty line piece. Personally, I tend to read Topical and Open Mic verses in four-line stanzas. I'm not sure if the same goes for everybody, though. I always try to end on the fourth line of a "stanza."
STAND-OUT LINES
Quote:
Everyone looks at him like a disease, they tell him he's lucky
But no1 respects the fact he lost part of himself for his country
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Quote:
So now, you will never know what it is like to be labelled a flop
And you will never know what it is like being not able to walk
And you don't know what it's like living your whole life as a ghost
And you don't know the silence awaiting death to enter your home
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You're talented -- Write more Open Mic stuff.