Thread: my mold
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Old 09-07-03, 03:45 AM   #3
Philo
New to RB
 
Posts: 85
From: Imagine That!
IP:

so the piece was good.
like the feeling was there and shit and premise was good and felt... i understand the topic exactly.
however the prose could use work. the rhymning pattern that you used didn't work for the last three stanzas adn took away from the poem.... it was distracting as though they were being forced so hard that the reader loses the purpose of line.
but it was a good effort.... anyway peace.
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