you shouldnt a started with ya title for ya openin...it tainted the suspense of what "could" have been in ya poem....this was nice though...i liked the flowetry in ya 1st stanza

but when you ended wit

But still she sits away
and wonders from within

^^ ya word usage coulda been better...take that line..figure out why it doesnt sound right...n reword it...


Into this life
which she is enslaved
Immune to the memories
between mad and insane
Careful not to hear her own cries
and careful not to show her pain

^^^^absolutley loved your flow here...mos def a nice rhyme..


the second stanza was coo..but parts of it were repetitive to somma the ish you said in the first stanza....


and then the home stretch

Each day I pray
that this girl will find a way to break free
And each night I wish
that this girl wasn't me.


great finish!...but because ya begginin was horrible...if i was soe offic. judge...i'd mark you because your beggining could have climaxed what suprize you left the reader in the end...but nicely done

flow- was nice weak n some areas
wordplay- some word misusage but some well played out phrases
structure - self image has been done...but, it is the pure depiction of inner self which must come wit intellect...you did the thang wit this...to acknowlede your being of thought...

fa sho...


igido

__________________
freelance

RN Vs RB WAR!!....yr 2000...vet~~YEA I SAID VET!! WHAT YOU WANT ME TO PROVE IT? STEP THEN YOU FUCKING HOMO'S