i ain't really a newbie on spittin, i been on net 54s best board, which is FLOWS UNLIMITED, and just wanted to peep this site, cos its got a hell of a lot of peeps, THANKS FOR FEED, HERES THE RETURN...
firstly, i think the main thing that i could critisice with this is, the bars are way too different in length, and it was hard to flow for me, especially at the top, but if i caught a flow mid way through, then it kinda disappeared as the bars got shorter, heres examples:
too long:
Quote:
Keystyle almost everything i write this way it gives my mind a speeding high way of thoughts/
combustion on my tongue becuz words keep flying out my mouth so fast it leaves you shocked/
most impressive thing in my life right now is my mic or a night that i dun go home to a door locked/
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although there were some styles of multis, and there were some good meta's in there, i felt you could have cut it down, so it flowed better to say:
Quote:
keystyle almost everything i write, gives my mind speeding high way of thoughts,
combustion on tongue becuz words flyin out my mouth so fast, leaves you shocked/
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the parts where i felt it flowed better was:
Quote:
give me 1 good reason why somebody should bring another down, ive been down that road/
trugged a heavy load hard to stay bold but i new if i kept my head up one day i'd fine gold/
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but it still was the most critical part i could find, personally tho, i was lookin at this more as a TOPICAL verse tho,
so in fairness, this verse was pretty good, cos it seemed to explain what you felt etc, in a more poetic then rhyming sort of way,
JUST MY 2 CENTS...sorry bout the length i get into it