Not bad for whats there, flowed pretty good as i read it, at times the rhyming was pretty basic - it could use more internals and multi's to perfect the flow, try to get between 13-16 syllables each line to perfect the flow of it, there wasnt really a lot there to critisise, when you write your next piece, try extending the length to at least 20 lines, possibly more, it'll give the reader a better insight into your writing skill.

All in all, you showed potential, just need to work on your pieces a little more but you'll get there eventually my man, its all about elevation.

Eace-Pay!

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