The topic was pretty interesting actually, i didnt feel that you did it the justice you could have, the piece was really too short to build into anything too dramatic. Your vocab and multi's could seriously use some attention, they'll help perfect your flow a lot more once you master them, i actually thought your opening bar showed potential but after that you seemed to fall back and gradually slide off topic.

Work on your multi's and internals, try to get your flow together, i suggest trying to keep each line roughly 13-16 syllables in length for a near-perfect flow, you have a few good conmcepts / ideas, you just need to word them slightly better so they really take hold of the attention.

Its all about elevation my man, but you have potential. Just stick at it.

Eace-Pay!

__________________
W o r d P e r f e c t