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Old 09-12-03, 05:22 PM   #5
G.Hod
AI
 
Posts: 2,827
Re: Sunday's Homecoming.

IP:

The composition of this piece was flawless. The topic has been done, but personifying the character(s) the way you did hinted at originality. As straight-forward as it was, the representations that you made were so perfectly worded that they were almost masked by wit. As I read back over it and piece things together, I get a chuckle or two! BWAH, I said chuckle! Anyway, very nice work! Lines that caught my attention are listed below

Quote:
It ain’t great cause he’s bugging, that he’s left with the nuisance
Of running his life’s goal but no one respects what he’s doing

FLOW!

Quote:
It’s blooming hatred, and even today it strides as he prays at night
Trying to stay alive, but this noose of hate has frayed his mind

STRUCTURE!

Quote:
In the form of a reverend, he faced open weather
And proved that forbidden fruit always tastes so much better

PERFECTION!
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