Although the topic of this piece
was a bit clichè, there were a few ideas and lines that stood out - especially towards the end of the piece. . Conceptually, I usually do not feel these types of pieces, for they are just too easy to construct and, in turn, earn accolades. But, if they are put together in the perfect structure, they can earn some extremely positive renown. As for yours, it teetered on the edge of mediocrity and renown. The beginning of the piece was poorly constructed, in my opinion - almost so much so that I wanted to stop reading. It seemed as if some of the vocabulary used was out-of-place and almost incessantly strung together. Also, the rhyme scheme was all over the place, with internals being way too prevolent. My advice: don't waste your flow on a rhyme here or there; a consistent flow is always impressive and will earn you notice. For example:
Quote:
Feel threatened by different impressions that could be impressin
The rest of em goes to means without concession, start collectin
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The flow is so jumpy and hard to examine that the internals are overshadowed by it.
Quote:
The Minority aren't showing dominance cuz confidence is stole
Who is the majority in society to say they have preponerant role?
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PERFECT line. The rhyme scheme is easy to see and the vocab. seems to fit its role.
Overall, the potential is there - keep working @ it. Post Open Mics daily, PM me - tell me to critique them if this helps. G'Luck!