This was....welll....yeah..it needs work.
Number one, get a flow.
This had no real flow, just seems like puttin words together.
Read some open mics, and you'll get the idea.
Next off you need vocabulary. This is where you get an overall image of the whole situation, this is where storytelling becomes interesting, that and metaphors which also need to be present at times. All you have to do is keep elvatin, and never stop, you'll get the hang of it.

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Only God can judge me, Who THE FUCK IS YOU?!