O.K this needs some work.
Im not saying its bad, but its not good either.
The story was boring, yeah i know its personal but atleast make it interesting. You used alot of internals in here, but it did get overused making the flow if anything, annoying. This was a pain in the ass to read. you overused the internals and the flow was choppy, but some lines were good here and there, and somewhere the piece was interesting. Elevate, you'll get better.

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Only God can judge me, Who THE FUCK IS YOU?!