while i agree that you need to get better dont feel bad, your better than i was

the story aspect really was good, but it really was simple... sometimes less is more... you could have said something like

like i was black in the past, took a while to catch that cab

it says alot in 1 line, and it took you like 3 to say that, the topic is kinda played but your own flavor to it made it worth a look

keep dropping and stay up
its that simple