Yeah, ive tried teaching the both of you gradually, reviewing each of your pieces, saying how to improve then telling you if you had and what to improve on next, you two are both the next generation of good topical heads here at RB, i can see it now.
Onto the piece. .
not really a lot i could fault here, a few lines were like, one syllable out, e.g:
Striving to reach my potential, My mentality is now facing calamity
Its harder than people know to be legit when spittin humanitys
lose the 'is' in the first line, and add 'im' in the second, it'll perfect the flow syllable wise, at the moment its like.. one syllable out, but its easuily fixed, look. .
Striving to reach my potential, My mentality
's now facing calamity
Its harder than people know to be legit when
im spittin humanitys
see how that flows a little better? its nothing major, but it would help the piece a lot. .
the latter verse became more dope, stuck to the topic nicelt, some good multi'd usage, i saw you had internals, but they were basic like, one word rhyming for the most part, try to make the internals multi's as well, that'll improve your stuff ten fold, all in all, good content, a nice written, made for a decent read, your getting there my man.
Props!
