^ Your going on the moron list. .

This piece could of been a lot better, you have the basics down, internals / decent flow / multi's / ok content, but you need more depth to it, more transition, a better topic, up your vocab a little, try to get across your point without seeming preachy about it. As stated by BTK, this topic is old and many kids rhyme about the same one, making it unoriginal - hence - makes kids not want to read the same old stuff again.
Work on your flow a little more, make each line between 12-16 syllables long, up your vocab, and some of your thoughts would be better if you re-worded them slightly, so work on that.

Peace!

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