It was decent, Flow was choppy as i read it, you need to shorten your lines to give them a better flow, topic was pretty original but i hate how kids break up the different paragraphs, whats with that? Vocab was pretty good, i liked how you built up that kind of atmosphere to this piece, nice word choice, i liked how you directed it, i felt it could of used a couple more internals / multi's etc to liven it up but all in all not bad Knight.

reply to mine 'lego life' when you get time. = )

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