Shiznit's thoughts.....a lot of it.

...But Before anything else I would like to say..honestly..that ...

......LEgo is dope. Yay for Cam.

...Alright alright...here goes my constructive critisms.


Downing Spirits on the Ghost Train. . Provoking the Folk of Now A Days,
Pirate of the Sound Waves. With Buried Treasures under my Foul Taste.

Hmm...sounds like an Edgar Allen Poe type of intro thing. You started it directly to the point your going through. The weary setting struck. Its like thunderbolt with electric shock. The metaphors used would likely make me think of the movies Pirates of the Carribean and Ghost ship...the mere fact that you were talking about other things..it just swept into my mind. Great start up.

A Sour Fate Followed Suit Tomorrow’s Youth drew from the Zinc Prisms,
Now Creating Visual Blizzards. . its the Blink and you’ll Miss It Ink Wizard.

Although the first line made it easier for me to go one step ahead to your writing the second line made it kinda clever. Yet, the statment is true. It ups my former perspective for lackness. From there to reality made it more clear.

His linked wisdom remains Un-Matched, Echo his Surface Scratched Plee,
But in his Family Tree, he’s now Carved a Masterpiece of Crafted Speech.

As i see through these lines youve taken one step further more through your piece..you're basically trying to give a background about your character.

the Last to Breath, so Tactfully written, Actually spittin a Sacred scripture,
An Artist at Heart. . Sits in the Dark to Paint A Picture of A Painted Picture.

Now those what you call classic lines that would never fade. THe strength of your words' boundaries shears the essence of its true meaning. Adding that Sacred Scripture line made it slightly even expressed the writer's feelings (which is you). ANd the last line...uhhhh I would hate you for that..*glares*..lol...such passion i see through every letter. The message itself had a lot of emotions and through the eyes of others ..they would see a lot from there. Nice job

This tainted fixtures recalling thoughts of when a man in the noose jumps
Nine to Five Raps R.L Stine. . What I Write gives The reader Goosebumps.

Another writer's expression of his orginality. Using R.L. Stine and his books Goosebumps was pretty good, but more likely to compressed such powerful previous lines.

Center of a Media Zeus Hunt to Steal My Thunder with intellectual patients,
Feeling like. .the Assorted Assortment reserved Only for Special Occasions.

Alright..this was somewhat the struggles that your character was going to and from. It seems to me like before he was the center of attention but now he's just an ordinary that others wouldnt think he existed.


Fatal Sediments Paving the Game And, Yet i Face Fears with a Game Plan,
& now Fakes Sneer at the Way Cam's like Shakespeare with A Spray Can.

Exquisite words. Executed mostly with emotions felt from it. Nice use of SHakespeare being a great writer and handing him down with a spray can. I liked it.[\i]

Takes Years for a Made Man to lay Goblets, Stay Honest, Amaze n Astonish
able to Cradle a sonnet, placing Food for Thought onto a Table of Contents.

[i]Growing up the battles of life and being literally a man. Integrated image spoken soundingly from truth and pains hardly ever knew from then on.

Maybe ive Lost It. . my Inspiration feeds Logic in Fables & Topics now i see,
Tomorrow as a Lot More than Twenty Four Hours. . but as an Oppourtunity.

Retractment of words livingly expressed from which i may prefer to as wise. You've taken a big jump from your characters then through yours. Seems to me that we are more programmed than actually feeling what we want to feel. We are devices of a program and were just doing and gaining knwoledge to what they want to feed our brains with. Second line deliberately joined the realism where you can say.."i dont give up'..more opportunites ahead and Tomorrow it may change."

While Rocking Fluently with Martian Guitarists, my Hearts been Lead Astray,
Intended to Stay Slane, im that Second before Midnight that'll End Your Day.

Lines were brilliant yet subtle...its very much the end but its not...counter reaction came to me.

Nothing Ventured, is nothing gained. Rhymes Complex like My Minds Design,
Pleedin`, & Revenge is Sweeter than the Sugar Coated lies you Hide Behind.

Its like expressing of you doing everything you can to succeed..Its like no pain no gain kinda situation and its getting better...work with me here...

Welcome to the Block. .
. .of No Emotion, and False Expression as The Wind Blows,
where The Path To Success is actually a Yellow Brick Road
The townsfolk are out of reach, never speak, bicker or kiss,
just go about their Buisness in an inch high of Ignorant Bliss.
Its sinking in, & drowned in despression, pen holds my sight
This is torture, maybe i should just give up, and Lego of Life. .

The hook was very sad..not only realizing that being alone is like death. No one to count on to...no one to ask favors and have fun with. Lego was a great metaphor on how everyone just stand still and yet its called Lego Land. Inpirational.

Its Sink or Swim . . you either Think to Win or Drown in the Waves Present
of your Saviours Pen, Bleeding The Stone Dry, Hope's Cries played & spent,

Yet the struggling continues....searching for reasons for why.

Ladies and Gents. were your Lives Meant to be Bent across? All love is lost,
But this is where I started caring. And this is where I stopped.

Realization of truth. Screaming whats really wrong. Its like the feeling of emptiness and questions unanswered. Swollen lines of a perfect verse.

I care a lot for my Surroundings, yet this Mountain of mounting depression,
Seems to Be, Bleeding the Scenery, leaving imagery Doubting my questions

The sudden thought of recreating the image of a perfect life just an inch from the grasp of his hands. Made it hard for him to reach as he bled and stumbled far too much. Damn..wow..and yet its getting better and better

Id shout from the heaven of Cloud Nine and Sew its Lining, twining a verse,
Lonely, & made to feel like the Scum of the Earth on the Scum that is Earth.

Basic reality. World is insane


Stumbling First. . then Gathering Pace, Disparaged Marriage of Love & Hate,
Amongst Waves of Tongueless Fate, Predicting this Diction Above the State.

Another fall yet from another one. Regaining whats already yours but its not enough

The Colours Fade, Distortin My Pride, Red White and Blue caught in My Eyes,
but can the cross of Saint George Take Force and Change the Course of my Life?

Barely from the imagery..the agony of carrying burdens from his back. Twilight insanity heads him to it


Tortured Inside . . my Mind Was Set, & Tonight Was It, my Escape Planned,
Id follow the Rainbow and then Discover the Colours held Inside Fates Hand,

The time has to come to act. Life's not gonna move unless his there to move it. Kinetic Energy.

Eyes Glazed and Abstract, the White Hope holdin a Kaleidoscope Joint show,
A man of the Digital Age, maybe i should log off and install 'Life: Version 2.0'

The courage and enlightenment of the character made him see the light.


I Attoint Flow to Sum up my Worth, Write to Stomach the Hurt in Morbid Lips,
a Blazing Ode to Amazing Gold, no chance of Stopping This Block Apocalypse.

BUt yet he missed. He fell. He stumbled. He couldnt force himself to fight anymore. The rims of reality is unescapable.

Mocking scripts with False Ideas. . so This Plastic Town, Cant Bring Me Down
Wondering while Wandering amidst Blocks of Bottle Tops, an Singing Frowns. .


But still there's hope that if he would strive..then his longing for salvation would be at the palm of his hand


whew....dammit...so what? I felt like reading....

The enjoyment of your writing triumphs the true essence and difference from sanity to insanity. lol

HIgh Level of virtues. Wide open vocabulary mind. State of the art emotions made. How it was constructed either from a pen to a paper or even keyed to computer. Very much a powerful piece and yet was made by a great writer.

There ya go...Eat it.

__________________
<br><br><center>- Shiznit -
- Tampons are still expensive -
- That's a Fact - </center>