like whoa!
nice to see some new open mic talent on rb.
only the people who have been here a while have been dropping good shit lately.
this was a nice peice, Sally. The emotion was definitely felt, and your flow was actually really good. You had next to no wordplay, so try to incorporate metaphors a similes into your verses. When you just write exactly what you want to say, it leaves little for the reader to wonder about. It also makes your rhymes boring after a while. So I would suggest adding some wordplay.
Multies would help you a lot too. A Multi is when you rhyme more than one word with more than one word. So instead of ending every line with a rhymeing word, try ending it with two rhyming words or three.
Once you try all these things out, you will definitely improve.
Quote:
I admit I wasn't living right I missed out on so much
I wouldn't listen to nobody and I was out of touch
Dealing with wounds that won't ever fully mend
I'll have to live out my days never to be whole again
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really nice lines. emotional.
Peace