this was really nice.
your lines are too long, kills the flow a bit homey.
also, spell check your rhymes before you post, or at least do a basic look over, because misspelled shit makes it look bad. This wasn't a normal gankstuh rap, so it should be spelled properly, or at least coherantly.
Your metas are off the hook, as well as your similes. You know exactly what you're saying, and it shows through because this rhyme is full of determination. You have very nice internal rhyming. If you turned it into internal multies, you would be crazy good.
Just some advise, if you write with a topic, the rhymes come out with more meaning.
Quote:
Cold Shivers My Whole Head When The Threads Told And Been
Molded With Scriptures That Tips Hold....
Driping Blood In Import Massive And Closed Caskets My Heats Resting And Still Get Your Ass Ripped....
|
lol at having all those metas and finishing with "ass ripped"
great word dude
Peace