[b[I got, the grim reaper swingin his scythe, ready ta end my life/
no reason to put up a fight, just give into the darkness of the night/[/b]

nice internals but darkness of the night was decent attempt at imagry

suicidal tendencies got my grippin tight, this 9 mil, just put an end cuz life ain’t no thrill/
cuz we just another tax payer, layin out the bills, paining out the work in mills/

2nd line looked like it was just filler...

this is how I always feel! So just let me fulfill! The dream, I keep havin every time I sleep/
the one where I can’t eat, I starve, cuz I’m put behind bars, left with my mind scarred/

fulfill didnt rhyme with anything... the rest was nice imagry

that are 6 feet large, that I’m put 6 deep beneath ppl’s feet, left to rest in piece/
but I’m shocked locked, from this shot, got me rocked, cuz I just hot boxed/

looks like you tried more for rhymes than for topic on these 2

on the spot, popped back 22 caps, now I’m actin all out of wack/
then suddenly flashback, from day one, from a father straight down to when I used to be a son/

good internals im trying to see where you go with this

always livin life on the run, never lookin back, not even for fun, but now my time is done/
cuz the drugs got me lookin down a gun, and the last thing I remember, was twitchin my itchy trigga finga/

nice way to end it.. good job 7/10

Sometimes I just wanna grab the gun and pull-it, just to send a bullet, straight into my brain..
And feel it go through my skull, and feel my body fall, just so I can end all this pain..

nice imagry... good use of internals/multis

Cause the pain I have is just too much, and I honestly don’t give a fuck, cause im torn..
And I don’t think I can take to much more, and the pain pours, and all I can do is mourn..

dont use 'pain' so much... makes you sound redundant

Everyday I think about ending-my-life, and im done pretending-to-fight, cause I had enough..
These thoughts on my mind, all the time, will it be a crime?, cause I know im not tough..

the use of the hypens in the 1st line made me think you would do it in the 2nd

The days go long, and I feel all wrong, and everyday ending this life seems brighter..
Cause death is all I send, now I cant even defend, cause now im not a fighter..

good lines

All everyone does is push-me-around, cause im the pussy-now, and im a-bout-done..
Theres just no meaning, cause everyones screaming, fuck the nine im using a-shot-gun..
I just had enough, and everythings just too rough, and I cant take-it…
This take time, but with these things in my mind, I know im not gonna make-it…

i got tired of line by line... rest was good 7/10

great job guys