Do you have emotions running through your mind as well
^ that line draws the reader in because the answer is YES
everyone experinces emotions similar to these
and for you to use tha tline makes it a poem that you have to finish reading
no not scan through
but actually go in depth into the structure of it

you followed through on your emotion theme and it ended well
i would suggest using more description
so that the key points JUMP out at teh reader and are jsut not looked over as another peice of the poem
you want people to say * hey thats so true * or hey i agree with that
and youll be more likely to get that response with the usage of more descriptive words
hazy