aight homie, first ima say u need more space for rhymes, and less for the chorus, i thought it was kinda weird that u kept repeatin the chorus after every bar. but anywho, i thought the wordplay was ok, it could still use some elevation, but the vocab was pretty good, it flowed ok, and overall it wasnt bad for a newb, so keep at it, keep postin, and ull get better.

yo if u have the time can u hit up my latest post?
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=82558
thanx

peace.....