"I look into my childs eyes and see the world glow
Reach into the wild see stars shine down below
Define the reasoning behind you reap what you sow
In the end you'll have to repay all that you owe"
for real, that was one of the nicest choruses i read
on OM for a long long time, deep, meaninful, creative
imaginative, flowed like water.....................................

first verse was alrite, the opener could have
been a bit stronger, u know so u interest the
reader into reading the whole thing, but your
flow was nice, and your style was very orginal
i liked that the most about your first verse,
you just have a different apporach to this,
your content was good, but like i dunno if adding
more multies would help your flow cause at some
like 1 or 2 lines it was kinda off [but not by much]
but nnaa forget adding in more multies it will throw
off your content...............anywayz that was a dope
first verse............................................. .......................

"As i walk two broken legs carry this wounded shell" dope starter
"The demons use my carcass as a feast on which to dine" oh dear! is someone a bit evil, lol
"And so I spout spiritual epiphanies line by fucking line
If the GOOD LORD exists its about time for a sign" dope
"Inside I knew the end was near and everything was just fine"dope ender

i liked the second verse better then the first,
wow first piece i read of yours, you is d-o-p-e
flow's good, creative imaginative and your
structure is strong, rhymes are gripping.........

good job done.....................................keep it up