well i thought this was fine as a rap... since all rap is rooted in poetry...

One thing you might try is printing this out and putting matching numbers or letters next to your end rhymes...

For Example:
Time is slippin fast (A)
but the end is soon to come (B)
I want this to last.(A)
Cuz The feeling inside (C)
It is so much fun (B)

Like drinking liquid, (D)
I'm 'gulppin' so much in (E)
My throat's going to explode (F maybe D?)
But I don't want no other men. (E)

and so on... i think if you do this you will find that this simple poetic scansion exercise will show you that you need to spend more time on rhyme structure...

ya feel?

{Peace}

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