okay, it was very simplistic. for 1 you need to lengthen your lines to help the flow and make it smoother and elevate your vocab. I know you say it's a freestyle but come on... you can at least use the freestyle as a rough draft type thing and go back and elevate it or something. There is NO such thing as a true freestyle... that's "typed". Especially if you only have 5 posts up till now you don't want to start off with a weak "freestyle" b/c it won't get people to pay attention to you in the future and they'll think you're a weak newbie so you won't get much feedback till you show real skill... it may be game over but I say you press reset and try again

pz