wack style, new people need to learn there shit, but this is how ya start, i would break it down but your style really doesnt agree with it, its an ok read plentry of room for elevation... it could use ALOT more structure and complexity, vocab wasnt even there, the flow sucked, topic was scattered, didnt stay with the reader, a piece should catch the reader in the first line and pull them in till the last word. this needs more work but keep dropin and keep elevating...