Quote:
Originally posted by B-squared
wack style, new people need to learn there shit, but this is how ya start, i would break it down but your style really doesnt agree with it, its an ok read plentry of room for elevation... it could use ALOT more structure and complexity, vocab wasnt even there, the flow sucked, topic was scattered, didnt stay with the reader, a piece should catch the reader in the first line and pull them in till the last word. this needs more work but keep dropin and keep elevating...
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^poetry doesn't need structure........it's more of an art form.....the message holds more weight than the way its presented......elevate.....lol........
growing cold with the warmth
that slowly engulfs everything
around me
i like this part the most.............it jumped out at me......i had to reread it a couple of times but i got your message......
free will doesnt make me free cus we can will as far as they let us
i like how you switched styles and this is as true as it gets.......really deep thought here......freedom is only a state of mind........true freedom in essence can never be attained.....i disagree with parts of this........but definently not all.....nice drop..
respect....