ive read a peice like this before IN FACT VERY similiar

i felt you could have taken this farther if you would re do this peice take th e topic add in personal opinions and stregthen it up a bit it wold be spectacular

the topic is one that i think weve all seeen ( being youve been in school before) theres always that kid walkin down the hall that you look at n stare at and if by chance he comes your way? you move away

i understand this peice and id love to see it redone to a higher level