honestly... I read the first verse... didnt bother with the second...,
but in that verse, most of your multies were forced, I can tell, cause I use multies quite a bit in my shit.... it was hard to get the
topic into my head cause all the unnecassary multies... it flowed good though... you placed the rhymes where they need to be,
your structure was good and you had some good wordplay...
just focus on your content a little bit... no hate, I do the same thing every now and again... but try to keep your topic and dont use unnecassary multies.
A.T.