It looks like you forced yourself to write something because you felt a certain way but you didn't find it in you to edit and look at what you wrote critically.
It was to primary... i didn't even get feeling because the line structure was detached.
Not to put you down, its a difficult topic to do well.... too many attempt, but they don't bother to try...
Good luck,
self-editing and critical editing is the only way to do these things.

Peace
.philo.

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