aight for a newb ur ok, but let me say this as nice as i can....UR WACK AS FUCK!!! no im just playin, u need to make ur structure more complex, try and include internal rhymes, u definetely need to elevate drastically on ur vocab and wordplay, try and include more multis. ur flow fell off throughout most of the post, and next time try and pick a topic not so gay. u have potential so keep at it.

peace....