ok, you got some work to do....your flow needs work, working on your structure will help...try and get the lines yo be around the same length...vocab needs to be upped...you could try adding some multies to help with your flow...also a couple of your lines sounded like stuff i've heard from d12/eminem before....
like.... and i'm still crazy, and still able to convence any lady
to have 10 of my babies, act'n shady ....

anyways keep dropping, you'll get better the more you write....just keep at it....