This was unique beyond comprehension. The rhyme scheme is one rarely ever found in this type of a piece, & unfortunately wasn't quite pulled off perfectly. It was a good attempt, though!

When writing a hip-hop type of a piece with multiple syllables, it's so hard to pull of a unique rhyme scheme. Mixed with the extent of your vocabulary, your task is only harder. First off, I'd tone down the vocabulary a bit and work on word choice. The only person I've ever seen pull of an absolute "dictionary drop" is N-Demik, & you're not quite on his level (yet). Secondly, make sure that your "bars" are absolutely even - to the syllable count - when using this type of a rhyme scheme.

I was definitely impressed with your opening and closing lines. They were succinct and constructed in a perfect manner - try to adapt the whole piece to that sort of a flow and word choice. Still improving , g'luck.

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