Faze- Your verse was dope. It has Cam's style, for sure, but it still told a story. Which isn't his style. So that was really nice. Your flow was decent, and you included internal multies as well as a good message.
Quote:
Started being pushed around, teased, and mentally discouraged,
didnt think I was this harsh but teasing was only the nice version.
Never felt this way before, turned on, betrayed, heart crushed,
the lives corrupt, all of it is my doing with all the lies ive stuffed.
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In the second bar I quoted, I liked the add in of turned on. Not because I'm a sexually deproved teenager (or maybe completely because of that) but because of the fact that it didn't fit. It emphasized all the other feelings, and while out of place, it still made some strage sort of sense. Huh.
A2Zizzle-I don't know what to say to this. The first verse of it was really, really cool, but I thought once you specified that it was Hitler you spoke of, it killed it. I find that specifying a topic doesn't work as well as talking about it generally. You had a good flow, but your internal rhyming could have been better. There seemed to be little emotion included.
Quote:
Sun Up Till Sun Down, A Misery Of Hell That Cant Be Felt Now
Surgery Deprived Of Anesthia, Screams As Doctors Seen How
He Breathes In Deep, Sheds A Tear, Got Up And Locked The Door
The Whole World Stood Up And Cheered, But Hitler Hit The Floor
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Even though I disliked the fact that you used hitler, I thought that the "Sheds a tear" part was really effective. You talk about how he killed all those people, seemingly inhuman, but the he sheds a tear at the impending loss of his own life. While selfish, it's a very human thing to do.
vote- Faze
I felt that he portrayed the topic better in general, but it was still pretty phucking close.