first off just for visual aspect you should put each line under each other...helps with reading

all in all it was ok, but basic
flow was there, but the vocab was basic,
topic was not that narrow, so you had pleanty to work with but came out with not alot
dont think im being mean...just trying to help

if you would be so kind
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=84636