okay to upgrade this .....
attack a new angle to the tragedy look up my 9~1~1 peace on the site it has 9~1~1 in the title like that it was recent.
there i attacked it as a person walking throught the rubble afer and finding himself dying but not realizing it.
vocab complexity is another factor i like how you used simple rhyme scheme but mix in some complext format to it......
be descriptive.
if you want me to believe in what you see in the song you have to write it ike you saw it and felt it.
you didnt do bad these gys are just pointing out how to make it better.