Sharp Perfection.
From: HELL!!....and yet you think im jokin |
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IP:
this was a unique piece, the way you put those million thoughts in you head down on paper turned out real well, you vented pain and confussion and still kept up with structure made it a good piece
I sit here wanting for something to happen
Something happens but its makes it worse
I was told everything happens for a reason
Well im waiting to find the reason for this
^ your intro was what drew me in, its seems that alot of us anticipate something and when it comes, we dont know why, if it even had a purpose, but the answers usualy do come
Lately everything is going wrong
Everything is worse for the wear
Nothing can help me now
Im riding on the line of emotions
^we all have those times right, everythings a mess and theres no way it will all just dissapear. this part here brought out what i thought was the back bone of the piece the line of emotions, i loved that line and thought
Emotions run through my head constantly
Like a wild river rapid
All the things I think of kill me inside
I cant stop it from coming up
^ you started refering to whats happenig with you to things that everybody knows what they are, and did a good job with it too made it smooth and fit together
This line of emotions is killing me inside
I cant hurt the ones I love
I cant do anything right
All I can do is step aside and watch
^ throu out the piece it seems like the line is slowly advancing on you and things are coming to an end, so when the poem ends it didnt make it feel like there should have been more in between you filled it in good
Watch as my life goes down the tubes
Like a dead faceless fish flushed down the crapper
You fall into a downward spiral
You hit rock bottom, laying in a pool of blood
^ i know it was meant to be a sad piece, but when i read crapper i couldnt help but smile, but once again you refered to what was happing to things everybody can relate to and did a good job at it
You finally realize its all over
You have lost the war
You loose everything in your life
All because of a little line of emotions
^ and then the end of a great poem, and it finihed the poem off good
check out my "why..."
~Tera~
DONT HATE
__________________
R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~
keep singing in heaven
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