ok, you got some work to do....flow needs work...work on your structure, like try and make your lines around the same length....and try and lengthen your lines also...also try to add some multies to help with the flow....vocab needs work...your vocab was really simple and could us alot of uppin....content, nothing really original and kinda boring...you got some work to do but keep dropping and you'll get better....the more you write the better you'll get....