As she held me I could hear the beat of her heart-
She could only see the future and the tattoos of her track marks.
I was 13 paralyzed on the floor crying for help-
As my kidney swelt-I cant discribe or scribe how it felt.
In the emergency room-feeling like death was coming soon-
But no such luck now im 22 and the pain still lumes.
I recall heavens first call-I saw myself fall-
In third person-but it wasn’t my time it was just rehearsen.
I was cursed-but I had done nothing wrong-
Lived each day as a year I wasn’t expected to last long.
Sleepless nights-
the cancer was the answer the pain and holding my sheets tight.
Day was the birth of life so I cried to sleep every night.
Uncontrollable spasms tears shed for what Im missing-
Loosing control of myself cant even tell when im pissing.
Seeing all my friends grow up most of them found a wife-
But I couldn’t have that im engaged to cheating life.
Hearing myself pray every night hoping to blessed-
That’s if its my last time may I finally find peace in my rest.
Realizing the beauty of a sunset…the waves of the ocean-
Stirring internal infernal emotions.
Cause I burn them into my mind- so when I die I leave nothing behind.
But as everything move forward it seams I living in rewind.
So alone-in sarrow I barrow love and find my home-
No matter what happens nobody will ever be me-
No one will ever see me.the way I see myself-
Nobody will endure my journey into hell.
Suicide attempts but sadly to no avail-
Im locked up in this body and cant afford bail.
My mother passed of the same disease-
I was almost 23-as she died with such ease.
She was a strong spirit who faught her guilt so hard to believe-
She could pass the memory I breathe in a breeze.
Now everything seams to be sloped-its been 22 yrs and I still cant cope-
So you tell me is there is room for love when there’s none for hope?
Now that I confessed how its been an my history-
I wonder if there is a place for me in purgatory.
The pains to strong god forgive me but after so long I turn coward-
The doctors gave me another 365 to live but i been dead for more than 365 hrs.