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IP:
This is sad.... *tears*! But jus a few things I think might add to this, in the beggining you said ...is like the... it would have sounded a bit better in my mind if you had written that something was this or something was that, ya smell me? The line about "the morbid morning", I liked that, but at the end you took away the originality of it when you said eternal nap, we already knew that the person had died because you showed us the person on the floor, "no pulse, not breathing, not able to hear you tell them you loved them". Just a few ideas to make a bold poem make even more of a statement. I liked this, it was well thought out, I just think there could be some contributions to make it, for lack of a better word, more original and break away from the common phrases.
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