First off I can't believe you did an open mic bout KFC. LOL.
Anyway the rhyme scheme worked....I'll give you that.
You've got the same problem as me...need to up you vocabluary.
Not bad for your first one....short and sweet. But if it was any longer it wouldnt of made the same impact.
Overall 6/10

__________________

HARRY R.I.P
1940 - 2002

In Respect