woah freaking pic!!!

Anywho, the piece.
The first thing is the intro, which is suppose to pull readers in
keep them on this page
And i didnt think this intro really servered its purpose
it didnt attract me
it seemed to be like the everyday stuff on here
pull away from the common phrases and words

The farther you go in this piece the better it gets structure and vocab, and interest wise. it starts to pull away from the ordinary.

Your conclusion was alright
it didnt leave a " thats it, its done" feelings to it
but it could go on
and like you said thats not it

Post the whole thing when its done

~Tera~
DONT HATE

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