ok
this piece was straight
the first line was sort of weak, but the tpoic and concept was nice
you could work on it though
i think you should upp the vocabulary and work on your word play, if you do, the lines that can mean the same thing will have a stronger more deeper impact, you know
you want to branch away from the ordinary same ol same verses
but, the flow was str8, it was easy to read
overall iight drop
keep elevatin

__________________
~.:Soft Focus:.~
{--Deacon (\_/~\_/) Content --}
{-Calisto (\_/~\_/) .:Lady Sage:.-}
{--Filed (\_/~\_/) Domain 9--}
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Poetry
Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten
Understanding Once Again
"It requires wisdom to understand wisdom:
the music is nothing if the audience is deaf."