The flow here was a bit choppy here and there....work on the consistency of your words to make sure the piece has a good, consistent flow.

Your vocab was awesome. You described things in depth and painted a picture. I liked that

It's creative because it's not a subject people touch on a lot...overall....

Just make sure that flow isn't choppy at times man...other than that...I like to see more pieces

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"Knowledge is intelligence. Intelligence is power. Mind is music, but music is forever." - Trip Marxx

<font color="red"><font face="comic sans"><center>An you thought I was wack?</center></font>

<h2><font color="blue"><center>-- Merkin You One Line At A Time --</font></center></h>


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