that fat dude in ur avy is kind of off putting.....lol

anyway..i think u missed out some words and had some spelling errors cos the flow was stop start in places
the first ten lines or so gave a decent account of who and what the person did and some of his past
some nice imagery in places
and u seemed to get better as you wrote it
quite a well done piece..even though it seemed a bit rushed due to the time scale u wrote it in
vocab etc was good...not much else to say
solid key..few complaints