knightshade: Congrats on a nice piece....

Tempted to apprehend an altered entity which refuses to exist within this world.Confusion drowns my tarnished being, I'm seeing a nightmare who's mission's unfurled.
Now I stand terrorized by an intollerance for copying anothers originality.
Caught in it's talons, for my ocean of self has drown and found emerged a shallow sea.


Some great imagery with the ocean....total realism when it comes to the thought that everyone is trying to be something their not...and eventually figure out that its fake and empty/ worthless...

Well now I wallow in anger issues, blissfully rage consumes me from commencement to contend.
It may have the upper hand and the advantage but I alone contain the will and the skill to apprehend

this man can Acknowledge his flaw regaurdless of the anger and hate for it..he excepts it......

AS for the ending verse..."..Conversation With my Reflection."

What a great way to finish the piece..acting as if the other side of the mirror is its own self. Both eagerly attempting to stop one another....I really enjoyed the piece nice work...






fgee:

Wow mayne beautiful work as well...I could copy and paste this whole piece and write a freakin 3 page critique on it but i wont cause im not thatttttttt cooolio....HERE WE GO!!!!!!

eyes transfixed on a vision of reflective light emissions
emblazened by a trademark of brown retinas fixed in skulls prison
with scalpel precision the eyes stared back creating a hole of souls
reins of control owned by the mirrors ghoulish alter ego grabbed my thraot
struggling on choke my face was grasped and held tightly to the glass

Alright this opening was just pure aggression to the max....And i loved it...The imagery of the face and its features and the way the mirror interacted with "self" was amazing....Captivating like a star...if that makes sense...


I cocked a fist of fingered groups and shattered the framed dreams of roots

Alright im thinking best line of both pieces was right here...Just complete angry emotion set up soooooooo perfectly i could die....right now seriously...The way that this "self" hates himself and how much just a mirror image reminds him of the pain is great...


Knuckles of glass….scattered remnants of my dream lay on the floor
7 years bad luck dwarfed my thoughts…Life is empty!!!!!…enraged by remorse
if I cant live my dreams course….it''ll live in me….for ever more
bending down I grabbed a serated glass knife…last look at pieces of past life
and thrust it with a bloody hand into my hearts blind glance
an eternal reflection of every day I'd lived beat for minutes then seconds…an unlived, sleepless dream to be kept always guessing……


Alright...the repressed feelings are actually coming out....He's excepting his faults but cant forgive them....LAST LOOK AT PIECES OF PAST LIFE....beautiful line...and honestly this is the first site of the down slope to the story as far as suicide comes... and ofcourse he ends with the stab in the heart...

and the mirror..resumed its place in the frame with a long piece missing
may the next person see thru vanities curtain of tortured visions

BAM BAM THANK YOU MAM!!!!kicked it hardcore at the end....The mirror is always there..the faults and the bad times will always be remembered in everyones life...and he's kinda saying lets hope that it doesnt go this far (suicide) with anyone else....


great pieces to both..

vote=fgee

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