intro- could have been better, try to catch the readers attention at first so they want to keep reading

structure- at the first its pretty well done, but then it changes to a slightly different structure, then back again. like said before try keeping it simple, because if i have to keep trying to figure out how its going now, it takes away from the poem

message- was a pretty good one, and i could see your own personal uniqueness in there when describing something thats been done lots before.

vocab- fit the piece, you didnt over do it by throwing in a bunch of big words to try to make it lots better or something

over all i liked the message and the intent, feeling, but i think you can work on the basics of it some

~Tera~

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