flow- was there, and the way you kinda separted in to two pieces, made it seem like with the second part it picked and there more truth and feelings came out

structure- was good, but sometimes i felt like some lines could be stretched out some more, of that the way the words were arranged did fit the piece, but it didnt take much away from the piece.

vocab- the one thing i can think to say about this is that you need to branch out when trying to compare what your feeling or whats going on to something everybody knows. in this piece you seem to fall into the rut of using the same comparisons that everybody has used, and is over used. put your flavor in it and make unique.

emotion- could feel that it was there, and that it was strong

message/topic- is one that is used often so remember you have to put something different in it some its not the same read as someone elses only rearranged. make us think about it all over again

~Tera~

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