Masta shined on this right here.. he had a cool multie usage & a couple metaphors in it, some witty shit yall need to fix the structure a little the lines are mad stretched & that takes away from the flow unless it's a flawless flow,

make ur lines kind of even..like..

line 1...............................................
line 2...............................................

or

line 1...............................................
line 2.......................
line 3...............................................
line 4.......................

it also makes it easier on the readers & helps us to continue & not just be like FUCK IT..

nice lil read here.. stay up..