hmm.
this was pretty good.
but I'd just like to remidn everyone that "dag, dat was ill!" replies don't help anyone. It's okay to give positive feedback, just don't be afraid to give negative either.
okay, here we go.
This was a nice piece. It reminds me a lot of my writing, in that a lot of it didn't seem to have any meaning. Just words put there, making the reader find a connection. That's not necessarily a bad thing, because it will win you a lot of shit, but sometimes people will see right through it and realize that half of your piece was gibberish.
You had a pretty good storyline, supplemented with some lines that stood out and had a lot of meaning.
Quote:
Questioned His Parents.. Blind Responses..
Defenses Apparent.. Rewind His Conscience..
Shoved In Answers.. Strangers Banished Him..
Was It Cancer?.. Or Anger Management?..
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good lines man. They made you think and actually seemed to capture the topic. Your rhyme scheme was cool, and your 6 word lines were really nice until you started lengthening them. It had a nice poetic flow at the beginning.
I've never really been a fan of having headings before every verse. It makes for a good summary, almost like chapter titles, but I don't think they're necessary.
I couldn't tell if the courtroom at the end was actually a real courtroom or just something in his head. Was that intentional?
all in all, this was a pretty nice piece, but I think you need to build more upon lines, so that they have actual meaning and aren't just words.
Peace