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Old 11-08-03, 07:05 PM   #2
filed
Sharp Perfection.
 
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Posts: 450
From: HELL!!....and yet you think im jokin
IP:

wasnt bad at all for a first poetry try

you should try working on an intro and outro to this piece thou, it seems more like a middle of a piece. And tell use more of a story, branch out more. you did a good job with getting feelings/emotion across, but you could work on discribing things deeper. vocab and flow were good in the piece, and structure worked.

~Tera~
DONT HATE
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R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~
keep singing in heaven
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