hey, for a new writer u doin prety damn good.I liked these lines:

-drowning in an ocean of frustration
waiting for my senses, growin steady impatient
trying to shake off this severe intoxication
observing the world and questioning my placement
i wasnt meant for this worl or this time
evaluating this error, i realize it was mine-

I could imagine it speedin' up like tha climax,really nicely writtin.Also the lines Gyrl quoted were ill too.Stay ^
-Avi